Never Cross Computers With The Inuyasha Cast
by omgitsxueyan
Summary: Uncensored swearing, BUT SO FRICKING FUNNY! Also includes some GunBound buddies, real life friends, and some Internet Stuff they do...
1. Free Computers!

Never Cross Computers With The Inuyasha Characters  
Chapter One - Free Computers! What's a computer?

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Xueyan: Hey everybody! It's Xueyan here... and I will be giving each of the Inuyasha characters computers! This is a funny story of what might happen if you give them computers! I will be giving away computers to these people... Kagome, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Kouga, Shippo, Naraku, Kikyo, Sango, and Miroku. Lets go!

_Goes to Kagome's house_

Xueyan: Hey Kagome!

Kagome: Who are you barging in from my window? We have a door you know.

Xueyan: Uhhh... guess I didn't see the door... SORRY... hey Kagome mind if you let me in from your front door?

Kagome: Sure.

Xueyan: Hey Kagome, I'm doing a story, about all the Inuyasha characters having a computer, with internet and all.

Kagome: I doubt Inuyasha will have much common sense to use a computer and I already have a computer. By the way tell Kouga I said "hi!"

Xueyan: No biggie! I'll take care of your piece of crap!

_Throws Kagome's old computer out her window_

_SMASH!_

Kagome: MY COMPUTER!!!!

Xueyan: Oh shut up! I brung a new one!

Kagome: IT HAS MY HOMEWORK ON IT!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

_Quietly leaves Kagome's house_

Xueyan: _Crosses Kagome's name off the list_ Okay, next is in the Feudal Era, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Sango, Miroku, Kouga, Kikyo, and Naraku...

_Goes to find Inuyasha_

_He is sleeping in a tree_

Xueyan: Hey dog boy! Get your ass down here now!

Inuyasha: _Waking up from a fantasy when he and Kagome were married_ Wench! What do you want!

Xueyan: By order of law you cannot call me wench.

Inuyasha: Fuck you wench. What do you want?

Xueyan: _Getting mad_ I am gonna give you a computer and you will take it with no second thought.

Inuyasha: What the hell is a computer?

Xueyan: You'll find out soon.

_Crosses off Inuyasha's name off the list_

Xueyan: What a rude bitch he is... OKAY next is to Fluffy's house!

_Arrives_

Xueyan: Daaaaaaaaaaamn he got a big house... like mansions put together to make this mansion... where the heck's the doorbell or the knocking whatchamacallit?

_Sesshomaru dashes at me with his claws at my neck_

Sesshomaru: What are you doing here?

Xueyan: _Cough_ I... am... h-here... to... give... you.... a stinking computer! LET GO OF ME!

_Drops me_

Xueyan: Now you REALLY need to cut your goddamn long nails... OK where do you want this computer to be?

Sesshomaru: Sesshomaru doesn't need things such as these computers you speak of.

Xueyan: So that means you want it in your room right... sure okay be right back!

_Dashes into house_

Sesshomaru: HEY GET BACK HERE I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

_Gets out of his house_

Xueyan: Okay it's in your bedroom and by the way, nice sheets and its a big bed. Did you marry Rin yet?

Sesshomaru: Go now or I will rip the living flesh from your bones.

Rin: Do you need me Sesshomaru-sama?

Sesshomaru: Get back inside the house Rin and lock all doors.

Rin: Okaaaaaaaaaay...

Xueyan: BYE!

_Crosses Sesshomaru's name off the list_

Xueyan: Damn Sesshomaru MY NECK HURTS!!!! I'm gonna sue you for everything you own! You almost killed me you fricken... fricken... damnit I'll think of an insult later. Next is... SHIPPO!!!! FINALLY SOMEONE THAT'S NICE AND CUTE AND ADORABLE!

Shippo: Whatcha doing?

Xueyan: AAAHHHHHH!!!! Who's that?

Shippo: Me.

Xueyan: Who the hell is me?

Shippo: You swear alot like Inuyasha.

Xueyan: Oh its you Shippo! Here's a computer where do you want me to put it?

Shippo: I guess by Kirara and Sango would be okay.

Xueyan: Oh! Sango and Miroku are there too?

Shippo: Nope, only Sango and Kirara, Miroku is harassing girls in the next village.

Xueyan: So obvious.

_Brings out computer and sets it by the tree Shippo wants it by_

Xueyan: Hey Sango!

Sango: And who might you be?

Xueyan: Oh I'm Xueyan, a person who must give you a free computer.

Sango: Whats a computer?

Xueyan: Details are unimportant.

_Leaves, crosses off Shippo's name and Sango's name off list_

Xueyan: Holy shit I'm tired... =.=;;... next is Miroku, Naraku, and Kikyo.

_Arrives in the village with girls running all over the roads_

Xueyan: What is happening here?

Random Girl: A man is running around trying to rape the girls! AND WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY NARAKU WITH KIKYO AT HIS SIDE!

Xueyan: Damn that hentai houshi (hentai houshi - Pervertive Monk)! _Takes out bullwhip_ Hey Miroku! Get your hentai ass over here!!

_Miroku arrives and drops on his knees, starts saying "Will you bear my..."_

Xueyan: _Interrupts_ Before you even think about finishing that pervertive statement, NO!!!! NOT IF MY DEAR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!!

Miroku: _Cries _What are you here for then? I was peacefully asking all the girls in the village to bear my children before you arrived.

Xueyan: IS GIRLS YELLING AND SCREAMING AND HIDING FROM YOU WHAT YOU CALL PEACEFUL?!

Miroku: _Pervertive smile _Oh yeah.

Xueyan: _DOUBLE SMACK _Fricken hentai here's your computer! _Drops it in his lap_

Miroku: _Now yelping in pain_ OUCCCCCCCCCCH!!!!

Xueyan: Hmmm... the computer was suposed to hit his crotch but, oh well it broke his legs. Still good.

_Scribbles off Miroku's name off list furiously_

Xueyan: FINALLY... Only Kouga, Kikyo, and Naraku left. HEY NARAKU! KIKYO! GET CHA COMPUTERS HEREEEEEEEE!!!!

Naraku and Kikyo in unison: What the fuck is a computer?

Xueyan: _Throws a computer in front of each of them_ I'm SO outta here...

_Crosses naraku and Kikyo off list_

Xueyan: I can't believe I'm still alive... now for the last one, Kouga.

_Didn't realize, but walked off edge of cliff, Kouga catches me_

Xueyan: Whoa... I almost took a big fall there. Oh hi Kouga! Can you put this computer in your wolf cave? Thanks! Oh yeah by the way Kagome said hi.

Kouga: KAGOME?! IS SHE STILL WITH THAT MUTT?!

Xueyan: _Runs away_

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A/N (Author's Note): See how dangerous the Feudal Era is and the Inuyasha characters? Let's see if I survive the next chapter, where I will be bringing in some of my good friends from real life and Gunbound! Oh yeah, to answer quetions from reviewers:

**caiyoko:   
Q:** Are you still in love with Sesshomaru?  
**A:** Nope! My friend jaime hit me with a mallet. and I got my common sense back. Besides people rumor and say that Sesshie dates naraku, who I also hate.


	2. USE the computers?

Never Cross Computers With The Inuyasha Cast  
Chapter 2 - What do we do with the computers?

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Xueyan: _In her studio where the show is hosted_ Hi! Xueyan here, and I am gonna drag all the Inuyasha characters here to my studio where they will learn how to use the computers! I will be having a little help, since my leg is sore from kicking Miroku! Maybe just one person then! Here's the list!

**Who Will Be Getting Who  
Caiyoko - **Inuyasha  
**Jaime - **Sesshomaru  
**Duong - **Kagome  
**Maheshwar - **Miroku  
**Alvin **- Naraku  
**Alonso - **Shippo  
**Helen** - Sango  
**Stephanie (Hino9000)** - Kouga  
**Xueyan** - Kikyo

Xueyan: People you see here are my friends, from GunBound (some untra cool online game) and real life. From Gunbound, there's Jaime, Alonso, Stephanie (better known as Hino or Hino9000), and Helen. From real life is Caiyoko, (or Cammy, Caiyoko is just her pen name) Alvin, Duong, Maheswar, and me! Let's bring out everyone!

_Cai, Jaime, Duong, Mahes, Alvin, Alonso, and Helen walk out._

Xueyan: _Hugs everyone except Duong, Alvin, and Mahes, cuz they too unmature _Hey everyone! Take a look at this list guys! You all are were carefully randomly selected to find these people and teach them how to use a computer! Anything else you want to say before you guys are off, any protection like guns or something?

_Caiyoko raises hand_

Xueyan: Yea Cai?

Caiyoko: I think I might need a arrow and quiver just in case Inuyasha acts up.

Jaime: Hey can I get a machine gun?

Xueyan: Sesshomaru isn't that bad... but okay... NO SHOOTING RANDOM DEMONS OK?

Jaime: _Mischeivious grin _Yup... heheheheh...

Xueyan: Anybody else need protection?

_Everyone raises hand_

Xueyan: O.O;; Okaaaaaaaaay... when did the feudal era become so dangerous...

_Gives everyone a gun and some bullets_

Xueyan: Ok everyone get your asses outta here and lets go Inu-Cast Hunting _Takes a silver dagger with me just in case ._

Xueyan: Everyone will be going into the well except Duong. Kagome lives in the real world, so she's down the street from here.

Duong: Awwwww... now I don't get to use my gun...

Xueyan: Almost fogot about that! _Takes gun _Well you can't go around shooting innocent people now can you?

_Everyone jumps into well_

Xueyan: Everyone here right?

Everyone: Yup.

Xueyan: Okay after I break the seal between here everyone split off indiffeerent ways to find the Inu-Cast okiz?

_Everyone gets out in the feudal era and splits up._

Xueyan: Phew... owie my leg... never shoulda kicked Miroku that long but noooooo I had to kick the crap outta him.

_MEANWHILE..._

Caiyoko: Where the heck is Inuyasha?

Inuyasha: _Dozing off_

Caiyoko: _Shakes Inuyasha gently_ Hey can you wake up please?

Inuyasha: _SNORE_

Caiyoko: _Takes out megaphone from her pocket (Where she she get that?!) _INUYASHA WAAAAKE UUUUUUP!!!!!!

Inuyasha: _Is awake and crashes into tree _OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! CAN'T I GET ANY PEACE AND QUIET AROUND HERE!? And who are you?

Caiyoko: I'm here to teach you how to use a computer.

Inuyasha: Feh! the computer thingie is behind the tree.

_At Sesshomaru's palace..._

Jaime: _Shoots down Sesshomaru's door _HEY RICH BOY!! GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE OR GET A BROKEN DOOR!!

Sesshomaru: What in God's name are you doing here shooting down my door with your contraption?!

Jaime: I'm just here to teach you how to use a computer, thats all.

Sesshomaru: _Suspicious_ Okay... fine... do as you must, but you shall not take that- that- THING- into my house. _Servants grab the machine gun and lock it away somewhere_

_In the Real world..._

Duong: Argh where is this Kagome?

_Rings doorbell_

Duong: Are you Kagome Higurashi?

Kagome: Yup. Whatcha want?

Duong: I'm gonna teach you how to use a computer... even thought I rather be shooting demons in the feudal era...

Kagome: I already know how to use a computer. Lets go to the fuedal era to go see Inuyasha!

Duong: Ok... _has a feeling something bad will happen xD_

_In the village..._

Miroku: _Asking a girl _Will you bear my children?

Girl: UGH! HENTAI! _SMAAAAAACK_

Miroku: It was well worth a try. :D

Maheswar: _Arrives in village and Miroku accidently mistakes Maheswar as a girl_

Miroku: Will you bear my child--_Looks up_ AHHHHHHH MY EYES!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! X.x _Out cold_

Maheswar: Ugh... it's a gay bastard... better start computer lessons then scram...

**_Continued in next chapter!_**

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A/N: I will be ading more characters in as well, hopefully some people! Just review and tell me if you want to be in it! If you want another name then you pen name, tell me that too, as if you wanted to use your real name. ToOtLz!


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